


Finding my love in you

by Anonymous



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Boys Being Boys, Cheesy, Fluff, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), POV Sirius Black, dumbass sirius black, small love letter to the ship that i wont let die, super short, the smallest internalized homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:27:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26984377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Sirius tries his best to decipher his own feelings over the course of his school years only to realize (to surprise of no one) that he was in love all this time.Some Sirius shenanigans happen.It's very gay.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 15
Collections: Anonymous





	Finding my love in you

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic is not only old but was also originally in another language so if it's strangely narrated or has any flaws is entirely because I'm stupid. ENJOY THE DUMB FLUFF.

It wasn’t like he could simply look at someone and say “Oh, look at that, I think I like that dude.” One can’t simply guess.  
Though it’s not like he was always the most perceptive person in the universe either. Not even with himself. Sirius was never that good at knowing what other people thought, at this tender age he currently only knew (and cared) this three things in life: 

_He could always count on James._

_Peter loved cheese._

_He’s in love with Remus._

Hey! He said it, it wasn’t that hard. But to be honest (and it wasn’t easy to admit), he realized it pretty late in his very young and successful life. Evans said it herself, Sirius was  _ not _ the fastest. Even so, that shouldn’t make him less cool.  
Most of everything began when they found out Remus was a werewolf, the group had around twelve, almost thirteen. Did that small guy really thought they would buy the sick aunt excuse?  At first of course they didn’t think that much about it, they were kids, barely old enough to understand when someone else was uncomfortable talking about their physical appearance, even if the scars made him look kind of badass. Nonetheless sooner or later they  _ were _ going to find out.

Sirius honestly couldn’t remember how it all went down; he could only see those big sad puppy eyes looking hurt and deep within his heart, he swore to himself would never let anything bad happen to him. James was in game immediately, Peter... well he would do anything they did.    
  
_“Remus, stop crying, come on, we’re friends. Alright? We’re the Marauders, and you’re one of us,”_ He could assume he said something among those lines, but in reality, it didn’t really matter because Remus hadn’t stop crying, he didn’t even look like he believed them, the poor boy probably thought the other kids would stab him while he slept. At the end there was a big hug, he wanted to embrace him and make sure his point got across.    
And that was only the beginning, Sirius never had such a deep interest in books that weren’t poetry or any other kind of escapism like he was with these very old and  dusty history and magic books, forbidden and forgotten pages about werewolves and how they worked; after some months of research he and his friends realized a possible solution.

_Animagus_. 

Illegal Animagus, of course. They wouldn’t go through all the bureaucracy just so they could turn into legal  animagus after they were of age. Sirius didn't  had the patience, Remus (Moony) needed them! And he was his friend, at the time he was one of his best friends. A best friend that he could always rely on. When he was that age, all his limited mind could focus on was that, his friends, the pranks they would pull and the bond they shared. It was the closest he ever felt to being immortal.

They became  animagus , things got better, he would never have to leave Moony alone again, Prongs and him were the most popular kids on the school, girls would crowd around them, praising him, his good looks, his charm, how funny, how smart and cool he was. It was heaven, compared to what his life was, the school was the best that ever happened to Sirius, Gryffindor, his friends, he felt he had the world in his hands. 

And still he felt like something was amiss. Not in him, or anyone else, it was strange, he couldn’t put his finger on it, it was too complicated (to this day he refuses to acknowledge Lily Evan’s explanation about the pink  fever or needing some other company aside from friends), at least that’s what he assumed, because he was smart enough to get some things, but it looked like this _thing_ was in the air, blocking something apparently obvious and it was beginning to frustrate him. 

He did try for a solution, though, _he slept around_ , the hormones were hitting kind of hard and skirts never looked this good, as Prongs had put it, Sirius was the perfect slut. Filling that adolescent need wasn’t even that hard. He even got some kind of reputation because of it. And troubles, because he remembers clearly the ache in his cheeks after one or two well deserved slaps of angry girls. 

At that point it wasn’t even worthy to talk about his relationship with his family since everything else was so perfect, it was a waste of time and not part of the main point of this very specific story of pseudo self-discovery. 

One day it hit him like the Hogwarts Express.  
What would it feel like to kiss a boy? Would it be different? It was pretty _homo_ of him, he knew as soon as it popped into his mind that it should stay there as the secret thought of a horny teenager. But even if he knew what that meant, curiosity was a bit more important that common sense. Still he didn’t  wanted to look like the weird one, so at that point he decided to go with the person he trusted the most with kind of sensitive matters. Moony. }

He trusted Prongs and Pet, but he _knew_ he would get mocked and laughed at. He wasn’t that naïve. 

And to ask, wouldn’t Moony also do that? The answer was as clear as water; of course _not_. No one that had ever meet Moony would assume that, he was the most understanding soul, emphatic and caring. Sirius never fully understood why he still hanged out with them.    
To him it showed that he was deserving of his nickname, he could recall some of the times he would catch him staring and think he suspected something about his secret doubts, but at the end it was that weird behavior that kind of encouraged him to talk to the other boy one of those afternoon skipping class, he practically dragged Remus to herbology’s greenhouse. It was empty, aside from the two of them and the mess Sirius was about to provoke. 

It was just a kiss. A kiss to a friend, it wouldn’t be a big deal, it shouldn’t be. 

Or at least that's what he thought, truth to be told it did  felt different. Maybe because it was embarrassing to kiss someone you hold _genuine_ feelings for. Real feelings. Either way Sirius managed to pull himself together and tried to see Remus’s reaction. It was odd. He seemed extremely embarrassed and uncomfortable, Sirius’ immediate response was to try and fix things dismissing what he just did _“We won’t say a word about this.”_ , it was meant to sound something like _“I wouldn’t let other people drag you down for this, it was my idea and no one has to know I treated you like a girl.”_ oh but it never sounds like you expect it to do. 

Sirius learned to never say aloud what was going through his mind without second thoughts. That afternoon he left without adding anything else to that. He left Remus with his hand on his mouth and eyes looking beyond himself. Looking back at it Sirius knew he was never the romantic type, but Remus deserved so much more than whatever Sirius was trying to experiment there.

He deserved the moon and stars of every night that gets to exist in the same  time as him. 

He learned that.

* * *

Even weeks after the “incident” he was still thinking about it. Especially because Moony was acting strange, Sirius had zero clue about why specifically. He desperately wanted to help. His solution (of course) was to pretend nothing happened; he was quite good at it. Just not this time, after the _incident_ he couldn’t stop thinking about him, Sirius kept staring and even raising his own head every time someone called  Moony’s name. He became a more... protective friend, selfish, even jealous. The black-haired man was over his friend almost all the time like a guardian dog, a black shadow hovering over his rather small friend. Sirius was aware Remus didn’t need any of this ‘protection’ but he still did it. He became the clingiest most annoying person around his friend and no one missed it. 

It was all justified though, he repeated to himself multiple times, you just had to  _ see _ him, he even used to wake up earlier than the rest so he could watch him, Moony was one of the laziest people whenever he didn’t need to get up, he stretched like a cat, arching his back as if he didn’t had a spine at all, growling and begging with his body for the blankets to swallow him whole.  
More than once Sirius grew more and more impatient until a morning where Remus was just waking up trying to assimilate the world around him, suddenly felt something (someone) jumping on his bed, like an excited dog that sees the slightest movement and takes it as an invitation. He just couldn’t avoid it and even started a tickle war with the other boy in hopes to wake him up even faster. It worked, kind of, Remus tried to fight it at first and then just giggled his way under the covers again, pushing him away, after Sirius stopped and he showed his face again the grey eyed Gryffindor saw the fluff of Remus hair puffier than ever and his face completely red, honeyed eyes looking back at his and trying to catch his breath, both of them started laughing at the same time, it felt so natural, warm. It felt like it didn’t  mattered what he did or what happened,  Remus’ affection would always shine through.

Sirius realized it, as if he had discovered a new constellation, what was amiss, now was very clear to him, and yet still so hard to name or voice aloud. 

Right until that moment he had never thought about him as something else than his best friend. Formality wasn’t Sirius’ best trait, he rejected it like the plague, it meant something bad to him, it meant rules, limitations, bad experiences associated with his very formal family, so things like relationships and other responsibilities were never in the table for him, he didn’t even considered the prettiest of girls as ‘relationship’ material, because it wasn’t something he desperately wanted like James, mercilessly following Evans like  _ he _ was the lost dog. Or a very insistent peacock to be accurate. 

Remus was different to all that, definitely, he understood that it wasn’t complicated at all, Sirius adored him, there was no puzzle, he wasn’t chasing his own tail, all this time the trail didn’t lead to dead ends and more confusion, it  lead to Remus. 

And Sirius? Sirius had a reputation, it wasn’t enough to just know what he felt, he considered himself a bastard since day one of existence, his mother would never let him forget how much of a bad person he was, all the time. He was selfish and narcissistic; he just took and took and never gave anything in return. It was how also most girls in school would start to talk about him. He never cared about it until it actually mattered. He decided to get closer to Remus, even closer than what he already was, there was no hesitation once his mind locked on the werewolf. He was even willing to shout it on every corner of the school for all the Houses to hear. 

_“Are you serious about this?”_ James asked, he was looking at him dead in the eyes and Sirius never felt so on the spot.  Of course he was, he would never play with their best friend. And he loved that even with their stablished friendship, his soul brother was still willing to put him in place if he knew Moony could get hurt, because their bond was special, the marauders _meant_ something, they were a family and James wouldn’t let anyone ruin that, not even Sirius.

_“Yes.”_ Sirius replied and it seemed to be enough for Prongs, he was left alone with his thoughts after a reassuring pat on the shoulder and Sirius panicked. He was serious about it and it freaked him out. He took pride about the fact that he did everything right, but this was new territory and he didn’t  want to mess it up because  Remus’ feelings were on the line. 

The first thing Sirius went for was the safest for him at least, and it was having sex with him, it was easy in theory, Remus had feelings for him, he knew this much, and getting laid was something Sirius was actually _good_ at. 

Moony didn’t appreciate this line of thought though, and overtime he realized he had to mature in order to stop hurting this unlucky boy that happened to get interested in him. He stopped acting like _(James’ words)_ a slut and started focusing solely on him, it was evident by the  amount of frustrated girls around him that he was starting to get his point across and it looked like nothing else mattered, rumors were only that, the constant mocking of his friends was fine, even funny. The rest didn’t exist for Sirius anymore because he was in love with Remus Lupin.

The only one who would give his life a hundred times for him and for whom Sirius would die. 

The one he wished to be with him like he never wished with no one before. 

He was so sure of his feelings as he was that he was a dog.

He was the one, all this time he was the true one. 

It was Remus Lupin. No doubt. 

And he was Sirius Black. 

And he loved him.

And he still does. 

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is here to prove my love for my best friend.  
> When I first wrote it we were two completely different people and today we can proudly say that we grew up closer to each other and we're still able to look back and think about this ship with the same love that we did back then when things weren't as complicated as 2020. 
> 
> After all and everything that happened we still made it! 
> 
> Even if today this fic comes across as simple, silly and straightforward I wanted to publish it, to throw it at the Internet so even if I lose it, it'll be forever in the void of Ao3.  
> Happy birthday Dorian!!


End file.
